Here is a nice and sattvic hobby. I enjoyed watching this video.
Let's start off with this headstand picture. Their technique is sloppy, this has got to hurt the neck, and one should not use the wall. Very bad!
Shaolin adepts doing headstand without the hands and leaning against a wall
Ok, now the technique is VERY impressive. Still supposed to hurt the neck. Must be strengthening on some level though. As in the previous photo he's standing on hard floor without a mat or anything. Very impressive skillwise.
Shaolin practitioner doing headstand without the hands
Now that's too much. Our way to meditate is much gentler. I don't even get it. Why in the world would anybody do something like this? ...
Shaolin monk in meditating posture, hanging by the head
... Oh I see, in order to be able to walk on walls. Most yogis I know can't do that for sure.
Shaolin adept walking on side of wall
All comments are meant to be taken in good fun. The Shaolin tradition is very honorable and to be respected.
For some reason I have not felt inclined at all to practice the hot trend called laughing yoga. This video does nothing to change my mind.
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." Woody Allen
There are two clear pie charts.
This second one with very explicit too.
You can follow me on Twitter at https://twitter.com/SwamiAtma
Different theories abound. All having convincing arguments.
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:
- He called everyone “brother”
- He liked Gospel
- He couldn’t get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
- He went into His Fathers business.
- He lived at home until he was 33.
- He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Italian:
- He talked with his hands.
- He had wine with every meal.
- He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian:
- He never cut his hair.
- He walked around barefoot all the time.
- He started a new religion.
But then again there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Irish:
- He never got married.
- He was always telling stories.
- He loved green pastures.
This is my first encounter with contact juggling. Quite mesmerizing!
Some original art made exclusively with sushi ingredients.
You've got to train them young ;-)
A bit the ideal of karma yoga. Combining fun and useful work without the feeling of agency.
Nice illusion. Really tough to do. Try to count the black dots.
Thanks to Vivekananda for submitting it.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Krishnamurti
In other words play the game of life in your own terms. Too many people waste their life trying to fit in and just follow the masses and the system.
The system is just there to take your money, not for your own good.
This a fun low-tech illusion. This room has been especially designed to fool the eye.
These people have created a very unusual and stunning show. This first one enacts a competitive ping pong match with many visual effects.
The second one follows the same style and techniques to render a slow motion pole wault jump.
Don't forget to turn up the volume for this.
When you see a big red button at the gas station, what happens if you press it? Here is the answer.
The Internet is full of these fake inspirational posters.
This one gives food for thought on the topic of ego and individuality.
This video will make your day. You won't believe how this elephant paints.
Living in a vacuum sucks.
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. Robert Benchley
Watch the video of this real 'jerk' who horn-abuses an older lady. Well she got him big time.
Of course it's on the internet so we never know whether it's staged or something but it does not look like it.
Stumbling around the internet I found a blog with some funny signs:
If you would like to see more of the signs go here.
Found this amusing remark from this blog post about programming fake security.
... and if my bottle of water is so dangerous, why do they toss it in a big trash can and keep it in the airport?
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. John Kenneth Galbraith
As you might have noticed I have not been up to posting original content lately. For entertainment check out this very cool video.
This has been around TV news and internet video sites for a while but it's worth posting for all those who have not seen it.
Many thanks to Shakti from Speyer for sending this link.
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. David Friedman
This quote was meant for 'American' football but it works too for soccer aka football in the rest of the world.
Anyway it seemed like a good quote as today is Superbowl day.
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. Eugene McCarthy
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. Isaac Asimov
This video makes Germany and Slovakia feel like tropical areas.
Very spectacular video of a a very fast rock climber. The image quality is quite poor but it's still very worthwhile your time.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.Voltaire
See the the whole collection of photos. There are several good ones including the ones added to the comments.
The famous statue from Michelangelo toured the US successfully. He has been somewhat changed by the experience though.
In the end, everything is a gag. Charlie Chaplin
Another way to say that life is one big play or lila.
Here is a joke that's a bit childish.
A group of bats, hanging from the ceiling of a cave, discover a single bat STANDING upright below them on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask, "What's wrong with you? What are you doing down there?" The standing bat answers, "Yoga!"
A temple for atheists is a non-prophet organization.
Student: If I'm open minded, won't my brains fall out?
Teacher: No, just keep your mouth shut at the same time.
The only trouble with being a self made man is when you worship your creator.
This funny joke serves as a perfect introduction to the program I'll be giving tomorrow. I'll teach a yoga class, and a satsang. The theme of the lecture will be "Ego".
This will bring a smile to the face of anyone who's been to India. Of course it's retrospectively frightening as well and the smog created by rickshaws and other vehicles is saddening. Enjoy anyway.
I'm going through some old blog drafts so some articles are dated but still worth a post for those of you who haven't seen them before.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
For the first 'entertaining' post of the year, I'll start with a silly one.
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
This is probably the most fun I've had publishing a post here. Ever. Thanks to Chandra from NY for sending the link.
Ok, the title of this post is misleading. What's tested here is not intelligence or the IQ but just short term memory.
So the question is, as a representative of the Human race, can you see, recognize and order digits faster than an ape? Please do watch the video and try to beat the chimpanzee. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for humanity. I count on you.
Seen on a billboard in Switzerland. Thanks to Maria for submitting it.
Cows are of course very much part of the popular Swiss culture and our Helvetic friends have a respectful fondness for these animals. It's expressed in a different way than in India but there is a deep connection nonetheless. Cows are often seen in commercials, often times with super powers.
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. Thomas Szasz
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
If you want more of this, you can find it here.
If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.
The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
Here is an amazing collection of sand castles and other sculptures. I used to enjoy seeing gifted artists make such sculptures in Santa Monica. They probably still come and do their thing.
This robot was programmed to solve the rubik's cube.
There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.Anatole Broyard
Says one woman to the other: "My son started to meditate. I don't know what it is but it's better than him sitting around doing nothing."
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"James Thurber
What do you see in this photo?
If you think it's a hill or pile of earth, check this site out for the explanation
By the way I did see this artifact in Arizona a few years ago.
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
Check out this video of an asian guy who plays a well-known tune of Mozart. But not just like everyone - he uses water-filled bottles and hits them with sticks fixed to his rollerblades. Take a look, it's amazing...
A couple weeks ago Swami Atma posted an article about US States to Countries By GDP.
That posting has received a large and unexpected number of hits.
Over at Strange Maps they post an astounding array of maps that cover all sorts of things humorous, serious, political, ancient, etc. which can sometimes be fun to check out. Here is a humorous map about Texans.
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
First try to picture this graffiti on a wall:
God is dead!signed: Friedrich Nietzsche
Then try to picture this other graffiti just below :
Friedrich Nietzsche is dead! signed: God
Illustrating the impermanence of life on this plane.
Seen on a bumper sticker ...
Jesus called. He wants his religion back.
This is the fate of founders of religions and spiritual groups that their followers rarely live up to the teachings they have promoted.
Swami Sivananda would often say that yoga is not about converting anyone but helping the Christian be a better Christian, the Jew a better jew, the Muslim a better Muslim, the Hindu a better Hindu and so on.
These words are echoed by the Dalai Lama who has written and said the same about Buddhism.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Thomas A. Edison
Or as Swami Sivananda put it 'every failure is a stepping stone to success'.
The rajasic mind in this rajasic modern world wants some immediate results and this applies to yoga and spirituality as well.
Unfortunately the quest to moksha is a lifelong process so the qualities of endurance and forbearance are very needed and one should acquire that steadiness which is born of sattva.
If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.Edward Gibbon
I relish this type of quotes and that's how I feel about many book authors and I don't want to become one of those, hence the writer's block.
Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood. Louise Beal
I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution. Wernher von Braun
This is an essential part of yogic sadhana to become acutely aware of the power of thought. Entertaining the "it's impossible" thought will block one to many opportunities in life and prevent one in fulfilling one's potential
If you enjoyed this post please help spread the word by linking to it from your web site or blog. The easiest is to copy and paste the code below:
<p>Why you should never say <a href="http://yoga108.org/blog/posts/545-its-impossible">It's impossible</a>.</p>
Very funny story.
If you find this post funny and/or entertaining in any way please help spread the word by linking to it from your web site or blog. The easiest is to copy and paste the code below:
<p>Funny story entitled <a href="http://yoga108.org/blog/posts/518-non-emergency-police">Non Emergency Police</a>.</p>
Odd Tree Feature
Stumbled upon this interesting fact about a tree that moves quite fast towards the nearest source of water. The wonders of the combined laws of creation and evolution.
A newly-discovered type of tree in the Amazon basin will slowly move itself closer to a water source (up to 2 inches per day) by growing more roots on the water-rich side and discarding them on the water-poor side. The tree has not yet been named
Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
This site tells you what happened on the day/week you were born.
What is the speed of darkness?
This is a pure time waster, but you will just spend a couple minutes there. See the cursor people
Just mouse over the center of the page.
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. Vicomte de Chateaubriand
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. Albert Einstein
This is a map of the nations which have not yet adopted the metric system.
This photo hardly needs any comments.
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. Steven Weinberg
There are many magic tricks out there and we have all seen tons of great ones. But this one is different and teaches us about the mind somehow. Can you see the trick?
The days of the digital watch are numbered. Tom Stoppard
Publishing this quote really fast before leaving the country just to NOT appear cowardly.
62 percent of Americans said they would "never" eat a snail. 47 percent of those same Americans said they would consider trying escargot if they were in a fancy French restaurant.
No comments needed.
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. George Bernard Shaw
Among many other marvels the modern times have given us the high speed video cameras. Those wonders can film an event up to 1000X the normal speed and can therefore play back the action in super slow motion.
The two videos below play 80 times slower than the real speed and the results are stunning.
The first one is of a water balloon falling and not blowing up.
The second one is even better and is of a water balloon blowing up.
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. Marilyn Monroe
There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are. Frederick L Collins
And a related quote to illustrate the progress made and to be made.
If trends continue, by 2017, a single computer hard drive will be able to hold all the data contained on all of the hard drives currently in existence today.
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. Bill Tammeus
The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them. Albert Einstein
This video will bring a big smile to anyone who has spent a bit of time in India.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright
Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. Kurt Vonnegut
How and why can this man walk on water? Here is the answer
Having seen this morning the excellent but overly hubristic IMAX movie about Texas, this quote could not come at a better time.
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. George Bernard Shaw
And another one, not as funny or insightful, for good measure.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles. George Jean Nathan
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it. Upton Sinclair
Why are things always in the last place you look for them?
Because you stop looking when you find them. Children's joke
This is a bunch of funny verbal exchanges supposedly found in official court case transcripts. Usually a lawyer questioning a witness, defendant or plaintiff.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Did he kill you?
Ok, one more selection before I let you see the whole list yourself.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Please see all entries.
Not a popular quote in France.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. Fran Lebowitz
Three little know facts coming straight from Gullible Info.
3.4 percent of business emails contain only, "OK", "Thanks" or "OK, thanks".
Canada has more artesian wells per capita than any other country.
The percentage of email written in English decreased by two to four percent each of the past seven years. The fastest growing languages for email are Farsi, Arabic, Mandarin and Urdu.
If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city. Charles Caleb Colton
For the last few years I have been thinking that the ideal would be to spend some time of the year in a village or very small town and some in big cities.
This thought will probably come true for me next year when I move to Levoča, staying there most of the year but still touring the world to teach yoga.
In this video a well-know point is made in a shocking manner. Don't go there if you don't like dark humor.
Will your answer to this question be no?
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. Frank Dane
The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. H. L. Mencken
Seen in a train magazine.
Check out this video about a revolutionary type of chair, armchair, sofa.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
In Bangladesh it is illegal for motorcyclists to wear helmets.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln
The average American 14-year-old sends or receives 43 text messages or IM messages per day.
Although the tap water in Germany is one of the best in the world, almost nobody in this country drinks it. About everyone buys bottled water. So water quality is predominant in one's consciousness.
No surprise then that yogis would push the envelope one (several ?!) notch further.
The H2OM Bar at Yoga Vidya Westerwald
Of course there are water bottles around but on top of that they installed several types of water filters. The two herbal tea pots are there as well for good measure.
No comments needed.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
This site honors this inventiveness of those who are not blessed with material abundance.
Aptly named 'Lords of Logistic' it presents a series of 23 photos, most of them quite surprising, and which are a tribute to humanity.
Congratulations to the folks who thought up this very creative ad.
Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are. Laurence J. Peter
Laurence Peter is the author of the Peter Principle.
The more I think about it the more I find this quote insightful.
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
I've got a whole bunch of these in reserve. I realize many readers do not speak English as their first language so it might be hard to get some of those.
Furthermore some of these jokes work better in the US than the rest of the world. I'll try to limit these.
What I won't do is explain the jokes. You get it or you don't.
There have been many time-lapsed animations published on the net lately. Here is a good one:
See beard grow fast here.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee. Tellis Frank
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. Kin Hubbard
Could not help myself from copying this from the excellent 37 Signals' blog.
Have a heavy load that needs lifting? Have the kids do it.
They saw that illustration on a real shipping box lying around in their office
Every day this site publishes a lot of little known well researched and often fun facts.
Every so often I will share some of those with you.
Many of those facts, such is the one below, are based on US statistics. But since many countries of the developed world are following alarmingly the US in many ways, there are quite relevant to those areas. As a warning of what's coming for example.
Six out of ten people considered "middle class" or lower spend 98 percent or more of their paycheck before the next payday.
The next one is ... um ... er ...
An average person spends six minutes a day in hesitant speech, using words such as "um" or "er".
I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
An entertaining video of Chris Bliss who has integrated juggling and dance in his show. You need to turn on the volume as you watch the video to really get it.
Please watch the video here.
Not your average lego construction!
yes, this is actually made of lego blocks
Nicely Done Paint Job
Lots of skill involved in this performance.
Copperfield had to use all his magic to avoid being robbed.
Two armed robbers allegedly got out of the car and demanded the group's belongings. One woman handed over $400 from her pockets and the other gave up her purse with 200 euros, $100, her passport, plane tickets and a cell phone. Copperfield refused to empty his pockets, the report said.
Please read the whole story here to find out how he did it.
"Dog yoga is to help the owner experience their yoga session in a deeper spiritual way," Barry said.
Om Namo Narayanaya
Please read the whole story here.
Some readers told me the only thing they really like about this blog are the humor posts. So here is another one.
It's a video and it's supposed to have been made by the Microsoft Packaging Design Team as an exercise in self-deprecating humor.
Whoever made it, I find it funny.
Here is a funny list of April fools hoaxes.
In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color tv transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.
I think the best 10 are really good and after that, not so enjoyable.
But make sure to also check the 10 worst hoaxes. Truly appalling.
Read the hoaxes here and laugh.
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. Robert Wilensky
This happened in Texas.
TABC agents and Irving police swept through 36 Irving bars and arrested about 30 people on charges of public intoxication. Agency representatives say the move came as a proactive measure to curtail drunken driving.
After proactive war comes proactive arrests!
People got actually arrested for drinking in a bar. :-)
Some of the suspects said they were registered at the hotel and had no intention of driving. Arresting authorities said the patrons were a danger to themselves and others.
... Do not represent [such] gods by any carved statue or picture of anything in the heaven above, on the earth below, or in the water below the land.
Well in modern days people worship many different types of "gods" and I find the following picture amusing.
I think this what was meant by this commandment.
Please!!! a statue to a ball player. Better than generals I guess.
As an aside and regarding the 10 commandments, many yoga students have a big aversion to bow to an altar by virtue of this commandment. I think this one is the easiest commandment to be absolutely strict about. Just think about it.
I never met a student who made the same fuss about 'don't envy your neighbour', 'don't steal' or 'don't commit adultery'!
People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. W. Somerset Maugham
I instantly liked the quote above so I looked for more quotes from the same author and found many good ones.
This made me realize I'm getting more and more into finding good quotes. Which lead me to the next one:
She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit. W. Somerset Maugham<
this ram needs a shave
The two hermit rams _ said to be about 8 years old _ were found hiding on the same hillside as Shrek and with wool lengths to rival the now world-famous sheep, the Otago Daily Times newspaper said.
I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years. Bill Gates - 1994
So much for the big visionary thing. The internet exploded in 1994/1995.
This is a strange one ok. This is a TV interview of W Bush's nephew who is 19 years old and who wrote a letter to the Houston Chronicle in defense of his uncle regarding the 'port' controversy.
He is obviously trying to position himself as a future politician.
Now the creepy part is that he looks exactly like W. Bush but younger. He definitely looks like a young clone. Why is it a problem?
Because the Bush clan is becoming a political dynasty based on physical resemblance. I believe W was elected in the first place (if you believe he rightly was so) because he looked so much like his dad. He benefited from instant recognition even though it was clear back then that he had no credentials whatsoever.
It was so obvious to everyone that he was not the sharpest knife in the drawer that after his first presidential debate vs. Al Gore they said it was not that bad since he did not say anything utterly stupid. He just hammered again and again a few sentences that were prepared for him. That was they call a brilliant debate. :-(
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? Woody Allen
Very clever. I took this picture while walking around in London a couple months ago. There was a construction site. On the fence they glued an oversized photo of an old photo of a construction site fence. I liked it and wanted to share.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. Anonymous
This blog is 1 Year old !!!
In the name of the whole team (it's just me mostly) of Swami Atma's blog: Happy anniversary to all readers.
To celebrate this and as a little gift, please see the video teaching the way I fold my shirts nowadays.
This brings a little fun to laundry day.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' Jay Leno
This is how I would like to be able to park.
Never judge a book by its movie. JW Eagan
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
I know: the author is not very sattvic but this joke fulfills my publishing criteria: - it should not be "too unsattvic." - it should be very funny.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. Horace Walpole
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. Kin Hubbard
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. Alice Kahn
Just heard a French stand-up comedian say the following:
I won't be afraid of flying anymore when people stop applauding the pilot just because he landed the plane. Forgot his name
I always thought the applauding thing was a bit silly but this guy put it really well.
LOS ANGELES - In 2005, some people wanted the word 'brainstorming' replaced by 'thought shower' so as not to offend people with brain disorders, and they also wanted 'deferred success' to replace'failure' so as not to embarrass those who don't succeed.
You will enjoy this comparative study more if you scroll down one line at a time.
"TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers."
For a European 200 miles is a long distance. For an American 200 years is a long time.Posted in: Jokes & Fun | comments disabled (?) | Permalink
Actual notes from Hospital charts:
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
This is one of those e-mails that travel through the net. I found it very funny so I wanted to share. It was sent by Cathy from Buffalo.
It's supposed to be real but like for anything on the net, we never know for sure.
First was this letter sent to the man by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This letter is not funny by itself but you need to read it first. Very important.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water Management Division
Now comes the good part. This is the fellow's answer to the State of Michigan. Very clever.
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.
I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
Oh well, so far I have managed to resist the urge to do Bush bashing but those three quotes are quite enjoyable:
The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him. George Bush, Washington, D.C.,
Sept. 13, 2001
I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority. George Bush, Washington, D.C.,
March 13, 2002
See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction George Bush, Milwaukee, Wis.,
Oct. 3, 2003
I always thought it's quite ridiculous to take the car to get to the fitness club, walk 5 miles on the treadmill and take the car to come back home but this picture tops it all.
Of coures there is always the possibility that the picture is fake since there are few escalator outdoors. Although there are some at the shopping center in Marina Del Rey and other places.
In Yoga we try to work on many virtues including humility. Humility is very tricky and it's said that the moment you think you have it you have lost it. A big no-no in yoga is to say "I'm a humble person", "I'm very humble" or other oxymoronic statements.
These days public speeches are filled with euphemisms and other hypocritical statements. One of my favorite, and it always cracks me up so I enter this post under humor as well as yoga, is the following:
Federal appeals court judge calls nomination 'very humbling'.
Here it was said by the judge making the Supreme Court which was his biggest ambition in life but the effect is the same when an actor receives an oscar, an athlete beats records or a scientist receives the Nobel Prize. The occasion makes them extremely proud of themselves. I can't help but thinking every time that if they failed again and again, it would make them truly humble.
Of course you will find the exceptions, the truly humble souls who will not be affected in the least while the spotlight shines on them.
Okay, I'm just posting this for the sake of humor.
"This is about the wildest thing I've ever heard of," said Steve Lubrano, assistant dean at Tuck and director of the MBA program.
This fellow has created a tofu treat which is supposed to taste like human flesh. Full article here.
Nuckols said he came up with the idea for Hufu when he was reading an anthropology book, Good to Eat: Riddles of Food and Culture, by Marvin Harris, while eating a Tofurky sandwich.
Being vegetarian by the letter but not in the spirit.
Warning!!! This is not for everyone.
While under the influence of Maya the jiva (individual) tends to think he will live for ever. This incurs a false sense of security and satisfaction and prevents him from being as eager doing his sadhana as he should. Swami Sivananda and many sages tell us that the secret of wisdom is to live your day as if it were the last of this lifetime. In other words one should keep in mind the ephemeral nature of this existence. What better way to do this than with the death clock?!?
The death clock guestimates one's death date and give a countdown in seconds. The clock's address is: http://www.deathclock.com/
Below are my stats! :-)
I better increase my pranayama sadhana to push the date back some.
Some time ago I posted a good cartoon joke on the pepsi/coke subject.
I got good verbal feedback about it.
Guess what! This news item from USA Today says that it basically just happened in real life although some details are slightly different.
Found this but can't find its original source. Anyway, it's funny.
Think of an object and the computer asks you 20 questions and tries to guess what you are thinking.
Don't try this at home.
The interesting thing is the reaction of the men and the woman after "their" feat.
Again, you need to turn up the sound level.
Here is a very funny video clip of of a DUI arrest in Texas. It's so incredible, one is inclined to think it is staged. We will never know I guess.
Are you a dancer? No. No, I'm just ...
The file size is 2MBs so it may take a little while to download but it's really worth it. Make sure your computer's sound volume is turned up.
Contributed by Cathy from Buffalo, by e-mail.
This cracks me up every time I see it.
It's on msnbc.com. The current temperature is lower than the minima for today! And it's the middle of the afternoon! And by the way, the rain has been pouring for hours today.
This confirms the observation I have made many years ago. My point is basically this: nobody, I mean nobody and no matter how much technology is used, really knows what the weather will be like tomorrow.
Ok, we have a pretty good idea of the weather for the next day, but 2 or 3 days out, the forecast becomes completely unreliable.
So what's really comical is when they predict the temperature for the next 5 days, something like: 66; 68; 73; 71; 70.
All temperatures in this example are according to the Fahrenheit system which is even more subtle than the Celsius system.
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
Another funny sign. This one submitted by Sita.